Updated: Mar 14
Oh, hello there [Looking for me?]! Eh hem [I mean us.]. Well, you've come to the right place! We're back and more unstoppable than ever. We've got some badass-ery to share and we're not afraid to. Have we always been awesome [Duh.]? But were we in a relationship that dimmed our light to where we were practically crying in the dark alone [Oh, yeah. Don't miss those days.]. Ha ha, yeah. That was then, but a whole two and a half/three years later? Now? It's like we didn't miss a beat. Like no bumps in the road were hit. And we're here to talk about it. The beginning, the journey, and where we landed and are lovingly stranded now [By choice, of course.]. We also have some advice wrapped up in a nice little bow for you too, to help you through the heartache/heartbreak journey. Because, c'mon, you're not gonna be stuck here forever! And you won't be alone in it either. It won't be easy and it might take a while, but you'll find the beauty in it once you stay positive and keep your eyes glued forward.
Let's start at the beginning. In those days, every second was a cruel reminder of how unlovable and alone I was going to be without my precious 5-year relationship that went flying out the window faster than I could realize what was going on. And while we could totally point out all the flaws and mistakes each of us made in it, it would be completely pointless. What's most important (though it's impossible in the beginning to try and even get your mindset there) is to forgive yourself, the other person, and begin moving forward. Well, how do we even do that? What's next? Where's forward?? If you're like I was, coming out hot off my relationship with no job, an ex, very little to no money, no friends, and only your parents to fall back on, then it's going to be a rough road, I'm not going to lie to you [Ugh, it was the absolute worst.].
For me and my special circumstances, I had a lot going on and a lot to deal with. I had to move out from my boyfriend and his parents's place back in with my parents with no job (I worked for/with him) and very little money, my heart was shattered, my cat (who was my child) had died a few months before that, and my parents decided they were selling their house and were using the money to open up a business and move all within two months (which I meant I had to go with them), so I couldn't live in my hometown that I had grown-up in since I was 14. Leaving my ex and all my memories behind. It was all very devastating and a lot to mentally process. But, I buckled up and got myself a job within a week or two. Of course, we all know what happened a month later in 2020. . . CORVID-19. Followed by riots, hate, a poisonous election year, murder, destruction. The list goes on and on. Quite frankly, we lived through a literal thriller/drama tv show for a year. For me, this made it difficult to finally find friends once I was ready and/or a boyfriend (if I even dared to want to at that point) [Boys? A relationship? Ugh. Gross. No.].
While drama still unfolded in the world, my parents and I managed to be successful enough in the self-owned business they opened and were able to move into a townhouse right on the beach! Went from living in a camper into a cozy cottage-like house mere feet from the sands of Jetty Park Beach in Cape Canaveral. The transition was difficult at first though. I cried every day and it felt like I would have a meltdown right after every transition. I couldn't write or edit my stories for almost a year, but what did help was writing poetry. I wrote over 60+ poems describing exactly how I felt my ex, our relationship, and each inner-transition I went through. Some of the best poems I have ever written came out of absolute raw, intense emotion that I didn't know I had in me. Fifty percent of my healing process came with creative expression, through a different form of art I wasn't good at or had even dabbled in before! I found my voice and power through poetry and I'm so grateful.
Above are my favorite pieces. They are here for you to enjoy [Yes, for free. You're welcome.]. And you can find more of those poems here, also with my story Second Chances, all for FREE [Double your welcome!]!
Anyway, the first six months are going to be hell. It's a struggle because if you got dumped, most likely you're blaming yourself, dumping on yourself, and saying and thinking anything to get that person back. I'm here to tell you something right now. Let. Him/Her. Go. I know you don't want to and I know you think you can fix it/change it/it was your fault, you can make it right, enter other excuse here. The truth is is it's always going to end up being your fault, things aren't going to change because the other person isn't going to change and in the grand scheme of things, you aren't either. Everything will fall right back into the same old, same old. And believe me, no matter how much your brain and memories are reminding you of the good times and telling you that the bad times weren't that bad and that often. It's wrong. Your mind is in survival mode right now. You're going to go through some stuff in that head of yours and you've got to champ in the end. You've got to be strong and stubborn [Ah, I see where our stubbornness can be a good thing now!]. The first step is accepting what has happened and wanting to move on. Let me say that again for the people nodding off in the back. ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED AND WANT TO MOVE ON! Once you've completed that step, you can move on to the How-tos.
How-tos for Moving On: busy yourself. Bury yourself in whatever makes you happy and helps keep your mind off of all the noise. You can also bury yourself in an art-form that channels that raw emotion out. You have to ride those emotions out and accept them, but alongside that you need to start forming who you are outside of that confining relationship you just decimated. First thing I did after snagging a job was getting on friendship apps to find friends! Hanging out with your parents day in and day out just doesn't cut it, you need to hangout with people your own age that share similar interests with you. I used Bumble and Hey! Vina to find my forever friends in my area. I have the best of them that my small little town has to offer and my life has never felt so full [Not even in that relationship did we ever feel full.]! One friend I made locally is a writer like me and she is wonderful. Another friend I made works at Nasa and is the sweetest girl that had just moved to Florida from Georgia after the pandemic hit. I highly recommend you give it a shot! Friends are wonderful distractions and eventually will be part of your "focus-pie" permanently. So far, a steady job, family, and friends have almost filled your cup. But let's not forget a few other key components.
Your career path! Sure, this steady job works for now, but this is just to pay the bills. Maybe you're in school working towards your degree in the career you want, or maybe you have all your degrees and are working toward/in your career. Focus hardcore on that. For example, I want to be a successful Author one day. So what am I doing to work toward that goal? Editing, editing, editing, and writing, writing, writing like a madwoman. I am so lucky and thankful to have five very dedicated writer friends with the same goals and ambitions as I do. They have been my eyes for the errors of my stories and I have done the same for them. This year, I expect to have snagged an agent at the very least finally. A goal of mine that has been unreached for years. But 2022 is looking hopeful for me! And hopefully for my fellow writer friends [This year is going to rock despite all obstacles!].
Last, but not least [And the most important!], my faith in God. This past year had me reflecting a lot on not only my relationship, but also my entire past. My upbringing and what I believe in. My entire life I had been around so called "Christians" "Churches" and "Christianity." The truth is is I never felt it therefore I didn't really think to think about it seriously. I went to a private Christian school and went to church sometimes with my grandparents. I had chapel every morning at school and we even had a bible class that was a requirement to pass in order to graduate to the next grade [Sheesh, it was bad.]. I was taught a lot, but when I got home, the practices weren't really carried over. No one in my household really talked or taught me about God or Jesus or how to read the Bible, how to reflect on the words. It's not my parents fault by any means, but for me, none of it really sunk in as a serious thing. It felt more like just another school subject you had to learn and pass. Something to teach kids to have morals and be good people, nothing more. But this past year, I decided I wanted to really delve in the faith of God. In the past, I've had the rockiest relationship with him. I've blamed him, I've stopped believing he was there, that he wasn't real. My life has always felt like a constant downward spiral. But after my breakup, things actually started to look up, even when they felt like they didn't. Jesus was the reason. He helped me through the pain, the blame, the shame, and all of my sin. My relationship walking with God has been slow, but steady. This is real, new territory I'm tip-toeing into and the transition is unknown and unnerving in a way. But I know that's Satan holding me back. But we won't let him win, will we?
So how can we achieve better faith? How can we grow closer to the Savior? I've been learning all great things of God from Brittany Dawn. She has been the light guiding those from the darkness to Jesus. Through her, I'm learning how to repent and join God's army. In our world today, people are too consumed in the world and what it thinks that we forget what truly matters. God. Jesus. What this country and its beliefs were founded on. Jesus is not a cult and it not a "religion," it is simply praising and thanking every day the one who gives us freedom and life every day. It is letting him live through you and casting out the ugliness in the world and not letting it in. The world and what it thinks has never mattered because when we leave this world, we will be one with everything and we will learn our mistakes on Earth to right them, and the rights we created and carry that on into our next adventure, whatever that is that is decided for us. Politicians, musicians, actors, etc. etc. will not get us there or are the way there. Make your own assessments, educate yourself, be the best version of yourself you think that is, and always be kind to everyone and be a beam of light in this dark, dark world. Remember this.
With my transition, I started with what I consume on a daily basis. TV, movies, music, books, etc. I cancelled Netflix, one because I decided I didn't want to pay for it anymore, and two because of the obvious Satan worship that goes on there. Hulu, same reason. I need to do more, but I've started cleaning out my music of cursing and vulgarity, and added gospel music, something I've never ever listened to before. And guess what? Gospel music is wonderful! Hip-Hop/Rap is so much more enjoyable now that it speaks of our Savior. I'm cleaning out my social media accounts as well. I'm unfollowing those who do not have Jesus at their forefront and following those that do. It has been blissful and peaceful to go on and see content that is full of light and bringing people up. Next on my list is to buy a bible that's understandable (my mom's older bible is hard to follow) and find good sermons to listen to. There are ones out there that will preach to you what you want to hear versus what you need to hear. Learn this difference and act accordingly! Actually going to church will be the hard one to do the most, as finding a non-denominational church that is good locally is very tough these days. I've been trying to pray more, but that one is a challenge as well. But shifting focus does not happen all in one day, week, or month. Progress every day helps and eventually will be the core focus. There is much more to this, but this feels like a good place to start and then save for a different time. And by all means, this doesn't mean you have to do all these things! Keep your Netflix account, listen to your non-gospel music [Because we still do too!], and it doesn't mean you have to turn into a "Jesus-freak" or whatever. It's find your walk with Jesus in whatever way that looks and feels comfortable to you.
I hope this post helped and gave insight for many of you struggling or have survived it! Heartbreak/ache is completely survivable even when it feels like it's not. Shift that focus and mindset and you'll be just fine!
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